Things that move faster than the speed of light

Nicholas Cage's receeding hairline.

A breakfast burrito in your intestinal track.

A cab going by Danny Glover.

O.J. Simpson running from a lie detector machine.

"Battlefield Earth" to video.

Camryn Manheim at an all-you-can eat rib buffet.

George W. Bush leaving a room when "Jeopardy" comes on.

Incriminating documents into Hillary Clinton's shredder.

John Rocker's ass to the minors after threatening a reporter.

And The Top Thing That Moves Faster Than The Speed Of Light. . .

HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW? I CAN'T FRIGGIN' SEE IT!