Why it's Best to be a Guy

o Movie nudity is virtually always female.

o Five day vacation requires only one suitcase.

o You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.

o Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

o All your orgasms are real.

o Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.

o You can kill your own food.

o The garage is all yours.

o You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

o You never have to clean the toilet.

o Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

o Wedding plans take care of themselves.

o Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.

o The National College Cheerleading Championship

o You can write your name in the snow.

o Flowers fix everything.

o You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.

o You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

o Three pair of shoes are more than enough.

o You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

o Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.

o You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

o You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

o The world is your urinal.

o Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

o You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

o You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

o You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

o With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

o If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

o The remote is yours and yours alone.

o People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

o Bachelor parties whip ass over bridal showers.

o You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

o Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

o You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

o You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.

o If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.

o Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

o Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.

o Baywatch

o There is always a game on somewhere